. . . and my life was never the same again

I was listening to the radio today and in the middle of the interview, this man made the statement that what had just happened in his life was a turning point and his life was never the same again. I had this immediate thot of how many people walk around every single day, doing the things that we all do and one in who knows how many have their lives go into crisis. There are no new things that human beings can do to either sin or commit crimes, there are new ways to go about them. Now I have this idea for stories of people who have gone thru life-changing events, good or bad, and the outcome. Men, women and children have had them; no one being exempt means that the variety of stories and choosing how to deal with them will be very different also.

I am going to think hard on this idea and if anyone does start talking and I have the presence of mind to listen and write, it could be the beginning of some good work to research and turn into a project of true life misery.

I am soooooo tired today . . . .

It must be that the week is over and all the stuff that needs taking care of is on hold till at least Monday morning when it starts all over again. Every Friday I think I'm going to go out on Saturday and do some errands and then do an Artist Date that I could record and be a part of my memory, add to who I am as an creative person. One who dreams, writes, journals, plays sweet harp music and enjoys walks along the gorge.

I am thinking that I have to change some of the ways I do things. When I put my things together for AMPages, I need to include my journal, C's journal, List of Possibilities. How about my mantra that I need to keep in mind? That almost sounds like a bookbag full of stuff. Planning to do things in a routine, not just all over the place and using TV as recess time, and this exhaustion is amazing. I could just sleep all the time. I pray for rain much more than someone who lives in a rain forest should; going out to garden is supposed to be enjoyable, not punishment. I don't know if I am going to be able to do any of the things that I think I will, the way I want to, but my thinking is changing and if not now, then maybe in the future.

A day in the life . . . .

Its time for me to get serious about this life and this blog. I have had a question posed to me about . . . . well, would I take him back if I had the chance to do it today? I've been having so much flashing back to me and I think, how could I have put up with that? Why did I stay? how in the world did I not see what was going on? I get so sad that I just hate myself completely and have no clear thinking of how to go on from where I am, what I'm doing now. Live in Now, Be Present.

There were so many times that I got the feelings, senses, urgings to just go, leave, get out of there. The lies that were so obvious you could drive a truck thru them. The times that I'd come in and be alone there for so many hours, the money that never showed up. The dark times that the world was closing in around me and I needed to flee. Darekness and heaviness that followed me for a very long week and I thot I was going to die, then it lifted and he had had an accident, wrecked a pick up, and ended up in hospital. There was a woman there too, but he lied and lied and lied. Took the fall for some woman, but that's alright. Caught him in bed with an indian in an Edmonton hotel room one night, at the same time I had to confront him about being charged with molesting 13-yr old Melissa, his step-daughter. He didn't appear surprised or scared, rather he was angry with me for coming up and interupting his party. In my madness I thot oh well, no one is going to be looking for us at 4 in the morning.

Right now I feel so remote, so removed from life and the world. I'm living in this new century with wierd numbers and on an island with no easy access to the mainland, no sense of life going on. I've never been able to get the real feeling of life going on.

there is a lot of truth in the above information and I don't know how to deal with it in a way that will let me move on in the life I was supposed to be living all along. Life is very miserable.